Today I Smiled...

• 10.10.12, Wednesday: Reading The Hunger Games -the first book I've read in a long, long time
• 10.9.12, Tuesday: Dialysis tech put a "I got the flu vaccine sticker" on my face -even though Gracie gave me that shot a couple weeks ago
• 10.8.12, Monday: Halloween music has started playing on U-verse's Sounds Of The Seasons music station
• 10.7.12, Sunday: Washing dishes!
• 10.6.12, Saturday: Telling Anne her eyes look like they're getting bigger and are so pretty!
• 10.5.12, Friday: Receiving a Halloween card and $5 Starbuck's gift certificate from ??? It was only signed "You've been booed!" I love the mystery just as much as I love the random act of kindness!
• 10.4.12, Thursday: Carole brought me over Sara's The Hunger Games when she picked me up for dialysis, she told me last week that Sara is looking forward to knowing we read the same book :)
• 10.3.12, Wednesday: Waking up on yet another morning in which last night's dream is still clear in my mind
• 10.2.12, Tuesday: Dialysis tech Judy took my Cobra bill and said it will be covered this month
• 10.1.12, Monday: Remembering my dreams from last night, including a dream in which I told Carole about the dreams I just dreamed!

Friday Fill-Ins (July 29, 2011)

1. Summer is no coats, lemonade, flip flops, breezy nights, driving with the top down, backyard barbecues, running through the sprinkler, and one of my favorite times of the year

2. My love for my mom’s homemade gnocchi dinners is unchanged –she’s been in Heaven for 6 years, and it’s still my absolute favorite food

3. Aargh! I hope matters are settled soon and the people in need of their social security checks get them this month.

4. I love to listen to the orchestra of birds in the nature reserve across my balcony in the morning, so many different songs bringing in the day.

5. Seven: Yep, the seventh month of the year is almost to an end, this year is flying by oh so fast!

6. Life is INCREDIBLY amazing don't you think?

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to just chilling out, tomorrow my plans include a couple quick trips around town and Sunday, I want to have a fast day of work!

Friday Fill-Ins (July 8, 2011)

1. I am from pets I grew up adoring, from Rice Krispies –full of Snap, Crackle, and Pop, and McDonald’s –who loves to see you smile

2. I am from the Michigan suburban home ...serene, fun, surrounded by beautiful green trees.

3. I am from the backyard lilac tree, the sweet smelling scent of Spring

4. I am from Sunday morning breakfasts and laughing so hard you cry, from Margaret and Nancy and Charles.

5. I am from the melting pot of Irish, French, Italian, German, Dutch, and American Indian heritage and full of appreciation for the wonderful customs and food I've learned about through my ancestors.

6. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to cleaning and writing and making burritos, tomorrow my plans include attending a 5oth birthday party for my cousin’s husband and Sunday, I want to eat some really good food at the Bridal Shower held at work for a co-worker.

The Simple Woman's Daybook -July 4, 2011

Outside My Window... People are coming and going from the condo, dropping in to visit friends and family on the holiday

I am thinking... I’d like to do something fun today, perhaps go to a movie and a jaunt to a good restaurant

I am thankful for... Having today off from work

From the learning rooms... This week I learned that a new, specifically detailed, furniture arrangement plan on paper is usually quite different than what you end up with

From the kitchen... I used my electric stove for the first time Friday when I made a bowl of clam chowder!

I am wearing... Jeans, and a blue shirt that my aunt gave me

I am creating... a spiritual journal blog

I am going... bonkers from it being so quiet at my place!

I am reading... Journaling As A Spiritual Practice, by Helen Cepero

I am hoping… That I can get my energies up and pumping, I’ve felt too “out of it” for too long

I am hearing… Birds chirping

On my mind... Fourth Of July, and how great it would be to have one as fun as when I was young -pool parties at my aunt’s house, parades, watching fireworks with my family, great food, great times

Around the house... I changed my furniture around Saturday, it’s now much more open and good chi can move back and forth more easily

One of my favorite things... Holidays

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week: See a movie (either Super 8 or Larry Crowne), work, laundry, survive

Here is picture for thought I am sharing...

Happy Independence Day!

Friday Fill-Ins (July 1, 2011)

1. Blue skies, green lights, an open road and traveling with my roof down –it’s a beautiful thing.

2. Happy moments we enjoy now are what will pave our memory lane tomorrow; I’m wishing everyone a whole bunch of great ones this summer.

3. Kids really should run through sprinklers more –it’s a wild and crazy part of summer!

4. New places, new photos, new memories; these are some of the best things about vacation.

5. Love is the greatest happiness God blessed us to experience.

6. Roadside parking, foggy windows and submarine races –hot summer nights.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to just chilling, tomorrow my plans include just chilling and Sunday, I want to be set free from work early (knock on wood!), come home, and chill some more.

The Simple Woman's Daybook -June 27, 2011

Outside My Window... I listen to the sweet breeze blowing through lush green leaves and am instantly relaxed

I am thinking... About Smokie, and how much I miss him. He was my 9-year-old beloved feline friend who crossed over the Rainbow Bridge last Friday

I am thankful for... Having Smokie, even if it was for such a shorter time I hoped for. I became his mama when he was 5 years old. We met at the Humane Society and I was lucky to have him for the last 4 years of his life.

From the learning rooms... This week I’ve learned that the presence and energy of one tiny plant can enliven a room

From the kitchen... Stands a new electric stove I bought in November, when I moved into my new condo, that I haven’t even touched yet! Living solo I pick at fruits, cereal, yogurt, quick and easy things I don’t have to cook!

I am wearing... The clothes I wore to work today. Maroon slacks, black shirt. I think I’ll change now and step into something more comfortable –my pj’s sound good!

I am creating... a memorial shelf in my curio cabinet to remember Smokie

I am going... to use my stove this week for the very first time, because I am soooo in the mood for Sloppy Joes! (And, unfortunately, that’s one thing I can never find in restaurants!)

I am reading... Messenger: The Legacy of Mattie J.T. Stepanek and Heartsongs, written by Jeni Stepanek

I am hoping… To find another wonderful cat in four months or so. I’m sure I will. Smokie was a perfect cat for me and I know God will set me up with another cutie patootie!

I am hearing… Birds singing good night to each other in the trees across from my balcony window

On my mind... The firework show going on in downtown Detroit tonight. I’d love to go see them but no one else wants to go, and I’m definitely not going alone! Sure, I can, and probably will, watch them on TV, but it’s just not the same!

Around the house... Being depressed as I have been these past few days I’ve let housework slip by and it’s time to get it fresh and lovely in here again.

One of my favorite things... Will always be Smokie

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week: I’d like to find a July 4th parade to attend, see some fireworks, enjoy a longer work week-end.

Here is picture for thought I am sharing...

My Smokie

Walking Through Grief

I still haven't been able to toss out Smokie's food and water dish, or kitty litter box, or feather toys, or catnip mice (which he never played with anyhow). I know he's not coming back, but with his stuff around I feel that part of him is still here. Perhaps that's just still the denial phase of grief. Which is the first step. Following denial there is 2) pain and guilt, 3) anger and bargaining, 4) depression, reflection and loneliness, 5) the upward turn, 6) reconstruction and working through, then 7) acceptance and hope. To be honest I've felt all of these, if only for a moment or two, perhaps a second or two on some, within the past 30 hours. Some of them I've felt at the same time. But deep in my mind, way deep in my heart, lies the seed of hope. Hope that there will one day be another set of cat paws trotting about in my life. In March of 2007 my beloved dog Dudley had to be put to sleep. I was 42 at the time. He was my 5th dog in my life and I swore I was a Total "dog person". Smokie was my first cat, I got him in August of 2007. I now believe that it doesn't matter the pet we have in our life, It's the companionship, the love, the freedom of unconditional love, loving something and being loved back, the something there to share our life with, the God-created being that we ourselves can express our own creativity with -regardless of whether we are given a cock-heeded wide-eyed "WTF" look. We are our best selves when we are with our pets, the beings of light and love God created us as. No thinking involved, just go with the flow.

I just feel so guilty and shameful that he trusted me and I told him everything would be fine, everything would be OK. I didn't know his life was going to be taken from him. I believe the soul goes on; his spirit was so playful and lively while he was well. Life, true life, and the energy that creates it can't just end with a needle prick. But I have no idea where he went, if he knew the way, if he was secure with what was happening. Do animals have spirit guides to usher them over the Rainbow Bridge?

This week-end is the Livonia Spree. It's calling my name but I don't think my legs, which are swelling up again, can handle the walk. I'm also afraid of what the parking would be like. So here I stay at home alone. Bored, very bored.